everyone must belong somewhere

it’s not that i don’t love you

heartofasuperhero — Wed, 22 Apr 2009 20:57:13 +0000

it’s just that i’ve had other places to spend my focus.

glove portraits, for one

saving the world

heartofasuperhero — Sat, 20 Sep 2008 19:47:02 +0000

“you can’t save the world,” he said

but even though he has years of experience

of wisdom

of life, that i cannot compete with

i couldn’t help but think to myself in response,

“why not?”

where in the world is carmen san diego

heartofasuperhero — Wed, 03 Sep 2008 19:04:37 +0000

i used to play “where in the world is carmen san diego?” on a regular basis. it was a fun game, and i used a really old edition of the world almanac to figure out where csd had run off to with the crown jewels of france or the maltese falcon, or whatever artifact it was that she had managed to snag.

every time you deduced where ol’ carmen had scampered off to and managed to fly yourself there, you’d look around the town and instantly know if you were on the right track based on the responses of the people you’d run into. these people would either be perplexed by your inquiries regarding the renegade carmen or would say “oh yes, we saw a woman with crazy hair and a large coat discussing how much she liked vodka” {to which you were to figure out she was headed to russia next}.

there was something comforting about these responses. you were instantly aware of if you had taken the right path or not. why can’t real life have that sort of comfort? that sort of roadmark? any time someone wanted to tell me that i was going the right direction would be divine. well, maybe not divine. maybe it would make me feel like i do when i watch old episodes of “boy meets world.” but maybe sometimes you need that.

guest room

heartofasuperhero — Tue, 26 Aug 2008 19:03:28 +0000

my favorite part about a guest room is having an alarm clock. for some reason, this gadget provides the ultimate sense of comfort for me. it is hard to feel homey and situated with red or green numbers staring defiantly out at me, always centering me with the hour and minute of the day. no amount of molding, of deliberately soothing wall color, of down pillows, or of empty dressers can compare to an alarm clock. a lamp with different brightness settings can hold its own, but still remains firmly in second place.

i hope one day to have a guest room of my own, a place where i can attempt to give another a sense of belonging where they do not actually belong {as opposed to the futon in my living room, which is all i have to offer a guest these days}. i’m thinking white christmas lights are a must, along with the previously discussed alarm clock. and definitely a cedar chest, full of board games, old calculators, photo albums, a handmade quilt, sunscreen, a deck of cards, a half full bottle of american honey, and hopefully someone’s old diary. having something to prowl through when you’re a guest is the best! there should also be a book case that is stocked with at least some books that would be of interest to a guest. so often i am stuck in a room full of books that look horribly boring. college text books from the 70′s or giant coffee table books that were not cool enough to make the coffee table cut. oh, and dvds!!! maybe all sports themed, {greatest 49ers football highlights from the 1980′s, miracle, the first season of friday night lights, the mighty ducks, ladybug}, and definitely some classic romantic comedies {four weddings and a funeral, when harry met sally}, and holiday flicks {it’s a wonderful life, die hard} so as to appeal to everyone and no one all at once. strange knickknacks would be sporadically placed on the shelves, odds and ends from my childhood that have nowhere else to go. i’m wondering if wall decorations are in order. is it possible to decorate a guest room without making it feel like a hotel or like an extension of myself? is black and white photography hip, or impersonal?

guest rooms are essential. having somewhere to escape to, and being able to offer a place of refuge are two of the most important things a human can have in their back pocket.

in due time, i suppose.

we all fall up

heartofasuperhero — Wed, 06 Aug 2008 16:27:45 +0000

i love:

reading in the morning, sparkling cider, seeing the milky way, noticing discreetly excited smiles, discussing radio broadcasts, pirate cat radio, adding grilled mushrooms to soup, eric’s “thought-o-the-day,” hostessing favors from whitney, researching and piecing together a paper, dr. horrible’s sing along blog, hearing k’s ideas on life while we run ridiculously hilly trails, advice from my mom’s best friend, participating in triathlons, anyone participating in triathlons, reading in waiting rooms, unexpected phone calls, indoor soccer with the buffalo girl’s team, playing defense, assisting in soccer, sports psychology, blush champagne, collaborating with simone to categorize groups of things, sleeping in tents, sharing a sleeping bag, national treasure, conversations that take place in rivers, looking at the possibility of new spaces, finding potential in unlikely places, macaroons, nectarines from the farmer’s market, riding my bike to work, secret rendezvous, sunglasses, anytime kassie tells a story, being in the oregon alumni association, having questions answered, going to the airport, not actually knowing someone, the rivercats, letters from past me, remembering sparkmatch, anytime tami is involved, realizing likely outcomes of situations so as not to be surprised by them, reading between the lines, heather’s good news, snuggle-texts, bowling, the verbal tip, eating dinner with renee, having a dress pinned to be altered, daytime movies, dancing to secret sauce, raggamuffin’s high-knees dance, steph’s enthusiasm for hayward, inspiring myself, white russians while packing, whales, reading before bed…

canary

heartofasuperhero — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 16:26:52 +0000

that sound of moistened lips
pressing together
and tongue grazing gently
but firmly
through the tiny grooves of teeth
are little more
than the sweet nothing sounds
of me
attempting to swallow the canary
{flock of yellow feathers and all
bones crunched down to bite-sized pieces
beak nibbled to bits
gulping down those pointy toes
beady eyes}
and leave no trace of a smirk in my smile
before you turn around
to walk back
over my threshold

universal blackout

heartofasuperhero — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 16:24:39 +0000

light from billions of years away
is visible when twilight dissolves into night
{only distance lets us see the past with clarity}
but what happens if all that light goes out?
a universal blackout
each star flickering
faltering
finally succumbing to nothingness
a dark pit where bright once ruled
would there be silence
{in the same way as an earthly loss of power
when ceiling fans and refrigerators stop their constant hum}
or would there be supernovaly noise
as celestial bodies lose their joy in existing
is the universe still the universe without light racing through the dark matter?

we’re lucky that we have pg&e to restore our luminescent expectations.

srsly

heartofasuperhero — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 15:27:52 +0000

so seriously
are vowels overrated?
consonants ahoy!

maybe if we cut out what is in-between
focusing only on the toasted bread part of the sandwich
we won’t be so confounded
ever so confused
forevermore
simplify simplify simplify

i live in a beautiful world

heartofasuperhero — Mon, 02 Jun 2008 15:25:47 +0000

i live in a beautiful world.

there’s always a game of pick-up soccer or volleyball going on, and you never have to be the spiker if you don’t want to be. if you feel like going home mid-morning and burrowing under a fuzzy blanket and an afghan blanket while eating french fries and watching reruns of “the real world” and “beverly hills 90210,” you are more the welcome to do so. no one asks any questions when you quit your job to go back to school. you get mail at least twice a week, and you send mail at least twice a week. you correspond with loved ones, with tree trunks that have been alive for the last four hundred years, with your great-great grandmother who always knew you might exist and is terribly excited to get to know you. she’s pretty hip for someone who never even saw the light of day in this century.

radio djs exist again, all day and all night, taking requests and playing music of their choosing. racquetball lessons are available every other hour. sometimes there are fist fights, or people fall asleep while driving, but these events are few and far between. libraries are clean and spacious and full of most every book and always have amazing young adult sections. they even have studios in the library so you can work on graphic novellas or collaborate on poems if you get inspired while browsing or hanging around. there is no self checkout at the library because having contact with people is important.

everyone takes turns cleaning up and being janitors. it’s not fun, but it makes everyone more clean because they know what it’s like to clean up now. and this way, the janitors get to do other things, like clean their own homes and go to the zoo and give all the flamingos names, just because they can. time goes by slowly, which is a blessing and a curse. but you never feel rushed, so you never get road rage or wonder where the time is going.

there’s a really advanced monorail in my world, so cars aren’t necessary unless you’re going out to the country. the monorail picks you up at your house whenever you want, and it runs smoothly. it feels a bit like the best plane ride you’ve ever been on. a kind voice always offers you a cup of water. people always want to go camping on the weekends, or to the beach, so you don’t have to worry about going to these places alone if all of your friends are busy. you’re constantly meeting new people and having new adventures.

cats have screen doors just for them to scratch, and like people, are basically well socialized. but if they aren’t well socialized, that’s okay, and no one makes fun of them. most people have their own gardens and a lot have miniature farms. communities share peach trees and tomato vines and lettuce plants.there is a board game club that meets once a week. people actually attend. you can go hiking by yourself whenever you want, and you have to be wary of mountain lions, but never of any person.

if this sounds too perfect, know that it isn’t. perfect is atrociously boring. there are issues and conflicts and hard times and people are sad and sometimes kids and puppies are still abandoned. but things are resolved in a more polite and easy fashion. it’s a nice place to be.

cover

heartofasuperhero — Fri, 23 May 2008 15:24:47 +0000

the thing about an open book is this:
i always presumed that the book was already written
everyone simply read at a different pace
{perhaps in a unique font, but all the same words}
hence how we ended up on different pages;
but it occurs to me lately
that i’m writing my own book
{one fragmented yet descriptive line at a time}
not following along with one finger
lips moving to silently sound out the words.
so our pages can never align
unless i start writing what you are scrambling to read
which is unlikely at best
as i make every attempt not to rewrite stories told
and much as i would love it if you were interested in my book
there is not enough forever to go around waiting for my words to inspire you
we’re already dying, so we might as well live.