strapless bras and a maternal tangent
shopping for a strapless bra is really one form of hell, and wearing one is quite another. as i’ve become an “adult” i feel as though my mother did not adequetly prepare me for certain parts of adult life; make-up, fancy hair styles, and bikini wearing were all mysteries to me, never explained or even discussed when i was growing up. god, if it weren’t for emily knudson, i still might not have any idea that even someone with hair as wavy/curly as mine could actually straighten their tresses, and then where would i be? how would i fancy myself up for special occasions? i might still be wearing french braids everywhere. but i digress.
my mom is really awesome at dispensing advice at which i don’t need or want, but i think every mother falls into that trap. she’s great at plenty of other motherly activities–making me lunch when i come over, helping me re-pack boxes that we’re packed as well as they could have been, gossiping about people i knew in high school (from a woman who doesn’t gossip with anyone else! how special am i?). okay, just realized i’m still digressing.
so on friday after being a super-fabulous intern, i went off in search of a strapless bra. i’ve borrowed my mom’s on the few occasions i’ve had to wear one, and since her chest is well…not the same size as mine at all, it’s made for some really uncomfortable moments (how little did i know that all strapless bras are uncomfortable, not just ones that are the wrong size). there are a couple issues in the strapless bra world, though:
1. it’s near impossible to find an unpadded strapless bra. this baffles me, because often, you’re wearing a strapless bra under something pretty form fitting, and if you’re wearing that much padding or even lining, it would be Really obvious. i’m not into obvious padding. i’m not even really into padding since well–it’s not necessary. and honestly, why do girls wear padding? to look like they have more than they do. but then when your bra comes off, isn’t it pretty obvious it was all an allusion?
2. no one really wants to help you find an unpadded strapless bra. they look at you funny. and really, no one wants to hear about the bra you borrowed from your mom for the last wedding you attended and about how that bra was padding and lining free, and was probably from the seventies but did the job rather well and why doesn’t anyone make a bra like that anymore?
eventually, after far too much searching, i came across a strapless bra that was not padded or lined. it was lacy, which i can’t tell is a good thing or a bad thing (are you a good bra, or a bad bra?). but purchasing the bra was only half of the hell. because post bra trying on and purchasing, there is the actual wearing of the bra.
strapless bras are designed to hold everything in place without the use of straps. i’m the first to admit that upon a quick glance, straps on bras seem ludicrous. what are they doing? nothing. they are doing nothing. they are thin little straps of elastic that could not possibly hold their weight for more than a week’s worth of wearing (which is why it’s imperative that girls own about ten million bras, so that we don’t have to continually go purchase new ones). but damn, i learned that those straps are awesome. love the straps. love them. because without them, you’re stuck in a bra that is attempting to squeeze your heart to a standstill. remember when christina ricci taped her breasts down in “now and then?” that’s pretty much what a strapless bra feels like when you were it for more than a few hours and no dancing is involved. (at weddings, when i’ve worn a strapless bra before, i’ve never noticed any discomfort until after the celebration, which is part of the whole wedding phenomenon, where we all suspsend our belief, party like rockstars, and dance.)
suffice it to say, the best part about a strapless bra is removing it at the end of the day.
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